Tight

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There’s a tight sensation in my chest
My throat is dry,
I can’t breathe.
Atleast, I feel I can’t breathe.
(Respiration is timely and fine. )
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The pressure on my neck increases
I can see the ground, feel the ground
Half a breath away
My hands twitch with the need to free
(They are still by my side)
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I can’t feel below my ribs
Thump, thump, thump
My pulse races away.
(Its a bird flapping in my cage)
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A deafening sound rings my ears-
How is my breath so loud?
How is there no breath?
My vision blurs, eyelids close in a rest I don’t feel
(I am at rest.)
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Pins and needles up my spine.
My pillow by my side.
I wake up but I am still asleep.
Anxiety plays dirty tricks with me.
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~insight07

Sleeping has been a task these days. Increased anxiety over family, career, and of course, the state of India doesn’t really help. I look forward to a single day of rest without thoughts trying to puncture a hole in my skull.
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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Flames

The world is going up in flames
There is no movement in the air
Clouds hang still, tied to the noose with the sun
Rivers bleed dry
Red everywhere.
Cups of water now hold entire oceans
There’s not much to say.
Hoping a hope is an emotion so old
So dry in my throat.
Wet hands have chaffed in the heat of fires
Forests and trees have given away
Mind your own mind
Word your own word
“Stretch thin, do everything each day”
I am told.
But why does it often feel that there is
Nothing left to say
Nothing left to be.
The world is up in flames
And I don’t know in which bottomless pitch am I standing-
Falling, screaming, crying
Desperately trying to survive.
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~insight07

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The Covid19 cases in India are an unending tsunami at this point. (3,00,000+ cases reported everyday. The actual numbers are far higher than the official ones). It’s difficult to go on with a single day when there is so much destruction and hypocrisy around. How do communities go on when there seems to be nothing to hold on to?

If you believe in a God, please pray for all of us. I hope we are able to overcome this period.
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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Leaf

I don’t know why
But against all hopes
And against all realities
I keep piling my hours
Into little hills of sanity.
I spill oceans and oceans,
As I watch the forests of my creativity
Getting razored down.
I love the sky, but I haven’t been outside
I talk best with the trees,
But now I need to talk to human beings.
Words that were my best friends,
Thoughts that were understood best by them-
Have now been stolen by the cold tongue of emails.
Nothing feels like my own,
Numbers are replacing colours in my mind.
I am not good enough anywhere,
I don’t like the existence of my being
I don’t like the mirror truths social media tells me
About humans being humans.
Can’t I be a leaf?
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~insight07
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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Burning

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The entire world around me is burning
And I am burning with it.
Just imagine this-
All of us caught up in flames.
From a distance far away,
We are the sun we need.
A sapphire heat that is never ending
Because we are never ending
In spirit and blood-
The rivulets that flow and flow and flow some more.
But for tonight, maybe the only heat that can be felt
Is the tip of a smoke
That I finish with a friend.
One night, two night
Every couple fortnights.
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It is so cold outside
It is so cold within.
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~insight07
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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.