Night Talks

Half bowl full of milky light

Half bowl empty of this blue night

Optimistic pessimistic clouds talk

“It will rain thousand and two miles from here

A human couple will fight and fight

A flower will smile after days of melancholy

A frog will dance and eat

Stepping on rocks hither”

Cold winds laugh at a distance

With the sleepy trees

Was it flirting? Are they dating?

The snakes on the ground slither

Lost in thought of

Lives of others


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.


I look at the tiny ants crawling on the desk-
A space that I share not just with my sister
But a kazillion more beings.
The spider teases me as it swings from the yellow lights
My sister hung to bring her distant home to this home.
I always felt time is an illusion.
But I am realising that space is a bigger illusion
As my universe size shrinks
To a room and two devices.
With all the pills crowding my organs, I float in space
That feeling of nothingness stays
Even when I wake up.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Manufactured minds

Manufactured minds-
A productive thought for a dollar each.
I imagine babies hanging mid air
A singing voice floating everywhere.
Flowers pink bloom against imagined walls
People stand in front of imagined gods-
Flames burn and the smoke rises
The smoke enters my cold lungs.
The anatomy of me is science
The anatomy of mind is unexplained-
I am counting pennies for each minute I sell my self.
I imagine fishes smiling at rocks with eyes
A ship sailing down towards the edge
Of an Earth that has lost its shape,
And is indeed flat as a button.
Peeping through one of the four holes,
I look at the sun blazing straight at me
As if hoping for my end
To close this loop of birth and death.
The mystery of existence in a sinking planet-
It’s 9:29 AM, time for my morning meeting.
“Hello, Good morning!
I am good, I have a few updates to make…”


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.


The spaces between my fingers feel odd
The spaces between my thoughts feel odd
Is this my coming of age moment, I wonder
Or is this a crisis settling midlife in me.
The new people in my life
Are as good as humanoids
That my kids will probably see growing up, if they ever exist at all.
My mind feels like a hole
My home feels like a hole
In a world so absolute in vivacity and vitality.
(I am not talking of the human civilization).
Some 27 walnuts put together,
The bowl of my skull holds my thoughts-
Inverted towards gravity my feet hold onto the ground.
While I swim in the numbness
Of a round pill I had consumed
27 minutes ago.
This headache has a rhythm of it’s own.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.


We’re all just stories,

word after word being written.


Yet isolated.

Breathing in this choking space.

Moving in circles and circles

Trying to make sense of things

With our limited knowledge of everything.


What do you see in the image?

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Cold Ocean

The world is dissolving
Little by little, water is swelling in
The well that sits empty with me
It is beginning to brim.
The wetness seeps into my clothes
Little by little.
Tips of my hair stick to my skin
My eyes close under the pressure of the waves-
A sea bound by bricks.
I look from beneath the blue to a blue that was once within reach
But now, it has escaped my being.
I am nothing more than a pebble sitting patiently at the end of the ocean,
That dark cold ocean.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.


Where does a sense of identity spring from?
Is it the way my words match with my thoughts
The way my eyes wander to beauty I love
Is it the way my lips talk to people
Or the way my tongue craves a taste
Is it from the way I differentiate my memory of sounds from yours
Or the way I choose to remember my memories.
Is it from the way my skin looks in sunshine
Or the number of people who look at me with love in their eyes.
Is it from the work, the pointless exhausting work I unpile on myself
Or the lack of praises my efforts get.
Is it from the approval of my existence that my creators give
Or maybe, the way I will be gone, when I will be gone.

I think it comes when I am lying in the darkness
Beneath a whirling fan, a body in darkness
When I am trying to hunt for the light within
The watery sun in my being.
The physicality of my existence
Aligning somewhere with the knowledge in me.
That’s my sense of identity to me.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Lived experiences

There’s a long history to today, just like each day. It is your casual backdrop of the Pandemic and staying indoors for too long, when even the apparent world has moved on. There is a rush of cars and trains and tectonic planes- no one wants to miss out on this fun.

I never thought a day like this would come, but night time comforts me. The fact that half a portion of this planet is away from the sun. Each time I leave the house, I wonder how people are moving about. I can’t help but stare at the sun- it feels like an eye staring straight into me.

From the fishbowl that I live in, only a tiny portion of the purple sky is seen. There are buildings and tress that block my view. I wonder how I look like to the outsiders who keep staring- a fish? (I feel like one), or a person wearing a mask inside their own safe walls.

This pandemic is global, universal, yet so personal. It has entered every crevice of my life, my mind. The mask feels like second skin on my face. The stench of sanitiser, more comfortable than the perfume I used to wear daily a few months back.

I have tried making multiple friends, but they don’t reply back now. Maybe with the uncertainty of my shift to a new city, my plant friends are angry. I dream that I am uprooting with my claws out.

Each time I leave home, I find myself getting lost in the vibrations of light in the city life. I feel new again. Places that I have known like the back of my hand haunt me with their newness. Looks like I am not the only one unchanged.
With each step I discover a corner unknown. People have changed so much too.

To me, people mean a blue screen that I stare into for most of the waking hours. This device seems to have more life than me- buzzing with the constant flow of messages and emails, app notifications too.
All of my office sits in this blue screen. WFH has been my best friend too.

During the past 11 months, I have experienced the throttle of situations I never thought I would have faced- even beyond the Pandemic. My family decided to parallel this world wide drama with theatrics of its own (sometimes I mess up my lines).

I have no life of my own. The only solace that has been is a discovery of a nation that has always existed. Even that feels surreal now.

I am ready for the next big part of life- I am waiting for the other worldly creatures to come by me.

Sometimes I wonder- what if they are intagible, capable of entering our minds and controlling thoughts? We are in a simulation that has no good end. Just one that is coated in love.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.