Dumdum rumpum


There are multiple hearts in my body
Each beating to the rhythm of my anxiety
Some in tandem, some in chaos
They dance beneath my skin
A dumdum in my neck
A rumpum in my wrist.

My thoughts sing and click
Music inside my head
Dumdum rumpum
My fingers tap on the desk
Impatient, sweaty, pale
Couples dancing
Two steps ahead, one step back
Some in tandem, some in chaos
A ballroom for my fingers.

My eyes swing from one end to the other
Tick ticky tok
They follow the impatient clock
Tiny heartbeats whispering in my ears
The tune of my body
Of my existence, as I dread just that
My existence.

A dance of my mind, heart, body
I have learnt to excel in
Practice in anxiety-
Yes, I’m growing in it
And out of it.


~insight07


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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The sky is swelling with clouds
And colours. It is a white day today.
The roads are damp still from the previous shower.
People and dogs are shaking their fur
Umbrellas. We never tire to move on
Even if the world falls. The sky is falling right in front of my window.
Everything begins and ends right here.
A point.
The world. Horizon. Roads.
My house plants are confused, they don’t know what to do with the additional water
Collecting in the pots. They miss the sun.
I am not sure what or whom I love or miss anymore.
The walls of my room are swelling with damp
It feels like the water is ready to enter my fist-sized world
From all sides.
Wave upon wave, day upon day.
Rain collects in clouds and finally,
It falls. Irrespective of what is going on in your mind.
My room. And life.

~insight07


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Circle

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Castles in skies
Knights in sunshine;
On cloud nine
She smiled.
What a story
I was told
Growing up,
You know how it goes.

Then what?
I grew up
And understood the loopholes.
Around me, I saw
Aggressive men
Aggressive women
Tiny children cowering in pain.
Drama drama
Always on the edge of
Another drama.
They were just villains
Or maybe, just humans.

In those four walls
I broke and broke
Before breaking no more
Those screams and shrieks
Don’t get to me like before.
Miles away, sometimes
I find myself trapped still
Thinking about clouds
And a moon suspended still
Which always remains the same
The same circle.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Bruising heart

My heart hammers against my chest
It is bruising me with its pain
Sometimes I hate the very blood in my veins
Because it reminds me of them.
Words are healing but words are spears
That pierce even through the strongest bones.
My eyes don’t see straight anymore
I feel deformed, words don’t exit my lips anymore.
Stuck at my throat, these thorns bloom red roses
Born from my thoughts, blood drips from the ends of these petals-
A puddle of filth on the ground.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.