I want to remember Honey from a new tea sitting on my lips, after I thought I couldn’t begin with a new day. A piece of chocolate that I shared with someone new, with nothing but love and faith in my chest. Diaries I carefully selected for my friends as they visited my city for the first time, miles traveled for shared moments.
I want to remember Recovering my health slowly many times, and gulping boiled apples (they taste like jelly). Cooking on so many days till my father recognized the way I cut carrots differently from my mother and sister. Sharing a blanket and room with my sister after a year of cold bed, only to fight on most days.
I want to remember The many flowers that blossomed in my house this year The way conversations flowed everyday over cups of tea And the troubles that slept with us, but so did faith, and so much love.
I want to remember Unlearning the shape of my spine and the taste of my words. Learning to crawl and cry and stand up again. Spinning in the same city to different tunes, even as the world lived in air planes, knowing that everything has a time.
A lot has happened But, everyday has happened too. And everyday will happen still.
My spine is green in colour. Its shape and size, recorded in scans. I look at it sometimes. Everything is mapped in the world. All patterns are figured into diagrams. Latitudes, longitudes, minutes, seconds What of moments that skip time? That single glance, small smile. An understanding in an instant- Your life is going to change. My house plants don’t follow the coordinates of the human mind. Cutting through lines, they grow in the shape of thoughts. My own spine is straight as it seats on- Office chair, restaurant chair, airplane seat.
I wonder how buildings stand so tall and proud. I can feel my neck and spine change shape throughout the day A question mark? An exclamation point! A full stop. (I curl into myself for some psychological warmth) The cold ACs talk nonstop, their voice has become familiar Plants in this office are more alive than people As my friend 6 states away says- this world feels 2D. And I am a walking 2 line drawing put together- Eyes bigger than my head Head bigger than my legs Hands two needle sticks by the side- Fit for typing and meticulous washing. (It is the only body part I can truly control).
Butterflies dance around my head A bonfire with the flames licking air Delicious cookies melting at my fingertips There is so much warmth in this night Can you feel the love in my eyes As I hide my gaze from the world Just for you, I open up myself As a whole Dreams are exposed leaves to the sun Growing, nurturing thoughts Of a together.
But you are so far, Come close It will be worth, I promise.
Access prose and poems in my book, “Dreaming in a Fish Bowl”!