Cycle

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Every once in a while
I feel myself break.
Known roads become unknown
Unknown faces; known.
Eyes on me
All day
All night.
Trembles all over my body
Heart shakes in fear
Of dangers that exist only
Within me.
I breathe;
In out
In in out.
Sun on my shoulders
Sky on my fingertips;
I slow myself
To the moment that goes unnoticed
By those who’re always in a rush,
Until that moment stretches forever.
And I remind myself
You’re alive, and this is what it feels
To be alive.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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Kiss

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This thirst in me
For your touch
You kiss me
My cheeks, my eyes
I put my fingers in your hair
Ever so slowly, direct you to my lips
And we kiss, for the very first time
Soft lips meet, your top to my bottom
My top to your bottom
Again, again
Tongues seek each other
Teeth clash as I taste
You, passion, me
Briefly I open my eyes
To see you staring into me
In a way no one has
Closing them again,
I pull you closer still
Until I am on your lap
My thighs around your lean hips
Your hands on my backside
We start moving to a rhythm
Our rhythm
Kisses are not smooth anymore
But a bit sloppy, messy
And I’m loving it
Every minute
Every second
Of this dream.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Acceptance

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Where does one go,
When they feel empty inside.
Looking for love
Looking for acceptance
From someone outside.
Shadows and demons in their eyes
Words and knives
Memories and people on their mind
Inflicting cuts and scars
On this skin of mine.
What did I do wrong
What did I do wrong?
Breathe, a little too loud
Talk, a little too free
Exist, a little too much in the light
Or just be, in front of your eyes?
My limbs have grown
Infront of you
Words formed in my mind
Infront of you
Years have mounted on me
Infront of you.
Yet, sometimes it feels
The strange crowds know me
Better than you do.
Someday, I hope you’ll understand
Someday, I’m waiting for that day
Hoping, it isn’t too late
For me, for my hope to break.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Sink

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Your words and thoughts
Bitter, as I swallow them down.
They cut me from within;
Wounds on my chest and neck.
I begin hating each square inch
Of my pale skin.

Bad bad bad
No one will love you
The way you want to be loved.

Cracks appear on people
And relationships of years
And memories.
Sunshine and wind of
Time and distance and lost love
Erode me.

Millions of rocks sit on my chest
Heavy, daunting, familiar.
Maybe, tonight
I’ll finally sink in
The depth of my darkness.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Blue, black and white

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In this light and glitter
Where diamonds and jewels sparkle
Cracks appear on people
As they shift and adjust
To tears, faces and known smiles
Circumstances change, ghosts linger
Walls are the same, or maybe different
Words on mouths, heart in our eyes
Laughs bounce off these people
Moments crystalise in our minds
Time flows in all of us
Till we are nothing
But a few stolen glances, awkward smiles
Blue, black and white.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Voices

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Aren’t we all struggling,
Trying to find our voice in this screaming world.
One where silences are judged
And different is marked not right.
Our choices define us, true
But some choices are out of our control.
In a world where violence is winning
Fear is ruling our hearts and mind
Love, peace, equality is getting lost
Under the very blue sky
These thoughts emerged in minds
Like yours, like mine.
Why do we judge;
If he loves him or she loves her
Or if she loves both him and her?
Why do we sit and watch,
When people slaughter people
Because they think they’ve killed cows?
Why do we hold our voices inside
When demons rape him and her alike?
Why have our tears dried
When it comes to refugees and children starving worldwide?
You may say, we can’t do anything
We can’t be the change.

What if I told you,
You need no sword, no gun.
Your words, intentions and voice
Will speak so loud, it can be silenced by none.
Don’t just see this world burn down to ashes
Raise your voice, above this battle cry
And help set everyone free.
Talk about things that matter
Make living better for all
Animals, fishes, birds, trees
Every being exists and breathes.
Poor don’t remain poor
And education reaches each mind.
Make a world we’re proud to say
Its yours and mine.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Too much

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A thousand eyes always look
Even when I’m alone.
A million cuts on my skin
From knives I dream of.
No one understands when I tell them,
Why are you like this, they ask.
What if they knew
I ask this to myself
Each time I take a breath.
It’s all in my mind, I know
This one mind I’ve got to live with
All my life.
And sometimes, this life seems
A little too much
For me alone.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Second skin

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Nostalgia clings to old clothes and photographs. I take them in my arms and feel your presence once again. Memories breathe in me, living inside of my hollow chest, caged.

I slip on a dress that shows my collar bones and neck, pale skin against black. It fits me just right, not loose, not tight. Towards the end, your size had reduced to mine. But you were still a couple of inches shorter. Shows in the way some dresses barely reach my upper thighs. I look nice, feel desirable. But I have no place to wear these clothes to.

Those occasions were stolen with you, you see. My once flexible night outings became rigid. I still have fun, but in alternate ways.

I am wearing your clothes after years it seems. The fabrics feel skin after too long. They’ve rubbed against their own kind, closed in a suitcase for two years now.

I start piling the clothes on my bed, ones I’ll keep and ones I won’t. Trying to match the clothes with my style as well. But that is a bit difficult, you always liked clothes that were fashionable. I like plain colours and no prints.

After six long hours, I’m done. The clothes are arranged neatly in my drawers. They’re excited, finally they’ll be worn. The old ones are sad. They miss their owner. I do too, I tell them.

Now, these clothes will smell of me. I’ll make new memories in them. Maybe, they’ll go to a new place with me in a few months.

Or maybe, they’ll be disappointed with me. I’ll grow in them, not physically, but mentally. I’ll let them be a part of my life.

It feels like I’ve borrowed your skin. One I’m finding hard to shed. One that is growing on my own skin as well.

Maybe, the years ahead will tell.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

 

Silences

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These silences have killed words on my tongue. I gulp down a bloodbath each time I’m left alone.

Yet, I crave these moments of honesty. Away from a crowd that never fails to disappoint.

Why are there so many people? Why do these emotions cut me from within?

Scars and blood that flows within. Memories, stories, I share with these silences.

In my mind, I relive my life. A truth, a lie. Outside, I share this world. But inside, I am alone.

And it is in this state, we all live. Floating in an unending darkness, looking for some meaning, looking for hope.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Life is a lovely chaos


Enclosed within these four walls

I’d forgotten what it felt like

To feel the sun warm on my skin

To talk to the winds

To remember old and not so old moments 

To meet people who’ve known you since you were a kid

To get so lost in a minute, you can’t listen to your thoughts 

To just breathe, in and out

To leave behind people who are toxic in their manners 

To consume poison with the cold stars, away from the chatter

To sit and see nature be itself

To immerse in salt water, a quiet dark place 

To let yourself feel, flow with the breeze

To leave behind tension and worries

To dream of light instead of dark

To think of your creation, your art.

The world is still the same

I’m back, within these four walls

But now, I know

There’s a reason why I am here

My experiences, perspectives, feelings and thoughts

Limited by my skin, away from all

In death, I will be free

A part of this energy that is in you and me

Till then, I’ll tangle myself in people and ghosts

Indeed, life is a lovely chaos.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved