Day

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Blue morning•
I feel the feeble sunlight
On my paper-thin skin
A blanket heavy and warm
Over my body and limbs
Stories of lingering dreams
On my mind, as they
Once again get lost
In my subconscious.

Yellow day•
I run with the hours
Breathe with strangers
Feel the warm sunshine
On my open hair
I see her talk, see her smile
For one tiny moment
I forget she is not mine.

Grey evening•
Too many people look
At my exposed neck;
Eyes on my pale skin.
A mad mad race to reach
The top of the ladder
Do I even want to go there?
Can I even go there?

White night•
Visuals and sensations wage wars
To reach me in my sleep
I feel her in one, lying with me
In the next I see my dead sister, talking to me
In one I see a sun burning, white in this dark sky
In one I see myself sleeping
With flowers, pale and light.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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Moments Frozen

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Moments frozen
Lay in a box
Under my bed

Today, after a long time
I took that box out
And nestled it on my lap.

One by one
I see each of them
And pause for a minute

This one is a picture of my family
It was taken when I was born
Everyone seems happy.

My sister, glad to have a new doll.
My mumma, exhausted, but glowing.
My daddy, holding my tiny fingers, in awe.

This one was taken on my sister’s eighth birthday
My daddy is making her cut the cake
While I clutch onto my mom, looking at the sweet delight gleefully.

This one was taken on a random school day
My sister is dressed neatly in her red tunic, while I am crying.
My dad was somewhere, busy.

This one was taken on my thirteenth birthday
My friends cheer for me
While my sister stands beside me

This one is of my parents
Taken on a rainy Sunday
My mom looks at my dad with all her love, while he watches television

This one was clicked when my sister graduated from school
All of us stand proud
My dad had been busy.

This one was clicked when we had gone to the beach
We are splashing water on each other
My dad had gone for a ride.

This one was clicked when I started college
My mom had come to help me settle
I don’t remember why dad was not there.

This is the most recent one.
My mother standing alone, looking at the sunset.
Her eyes seem more alive than ever. My parents had separated a few weeks prior.

Laughter still rings in my ear.
The moments play infront of my eyes.
Memory plays tricks with me, as I go back in time.

Feeling tears on my cheeks,
I close the box again.
Feel the patterns my sister had carved on them when we were younger.

I push the box back
Beneath my bed,
Where it collects dust.

I look at the family photo that hangs on my wall
My sister, her husband, my mother, and I
Stand together arms linked with bright smiles on our faces

I think about how time changes everything
It brings out the villian in all of us.
But things happen for the best, in the end.

I search for my phone, then call my dad
He picks up on the first ring, as always.
“Hey baby girl. Finally remembered your daddy?”

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Public intimacy

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Pressed against
Warm bodies
Warm breaths;
A familiar strangeness lingers.
Cold air
On my open neck
Eyes on
My closed eyes.
Thighs and hips
Against mine.
Drumming fingertips
On blue glass screens;
Worlds enclosed in shells.

The road seems to stretch
Into this darkness
And we travel
On and on and on.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Burning

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I’m burning from the inside
All the people and voices
Have a will of their own
In my mind.
No, no! I want silence
Yet, these silences are so full.
Life, in all its complexity
Unfolds and uncurls
I’m understanding humans
And I’m understanding that
I can never truly understand them.
Hopes, expectations, dreams
Desires, love, acceptance
What rules our thoughts?
Just when I feel I know
I’m shown, I don’t, I do not know.
Time has a depth beyond comprehension
This moment, right now
It passes through you and me and us whole
Till it is in our mind, a memory
Someone dies and gives up on time
Someone is born and is welcome to life.
There is a mystery to it;
We move forward with our technology and power of mind
But there is an energy ruling over us
And that energy makes it all right
We will go the way we came
With nothing, but our fates and a little luck.
Yes, I’m burning
But now, I’m ashes.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

 

Blue, black and white

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In this light and glitter,
Cracks appear on people
As they shift and adjust
To tears, faces and known smiles;
Circumstances change, ghosts linger.

Words on mouths, heart in our eyes,
Moments crystalise in our minds.
Time flows in all of us
Till we are nothing
But a few stolen glances, awkward smiles
Blue, black and white.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Cold

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The cold breathes between my fingers,
Its pulse thrums against mine.
Leaves hang from trees,
Dead, grey, unmoving.
Crowds move in all directions;
Living ghosts that walk with me.
Unknown gazes chase me
As I walk on known roads
Towards an end that is
Uncertain, daunting, unfamiliar.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

On their own

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Why, at all do I live?
Why was I born?
Am I a mistake,
I was not meant to be formed?
My skin limits me
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel mine.
Feelings grow in me
They claw their way out.
I breathe; in, out
A couple of hundred times
Just to remind myself,
“There are many out there like you
You’re not alone
Maybe in your mind you are
But so is everyone;
On their own”
~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.