Always and forever

Veins that tangle in my throat
Rope that strangles my throat
Seconds, minutes tick away

Breathing, screaming, screaming 

Cutting myself short of

Life and hope and love

Giving in to this loneliness 

Giving in to my mind

The dark corner that was a corner

Is my world now, suffocating my being

Memories, so many memories 

Play infront of my eyes

When I was a kid

Of my kids

That first kiss

Pale sunshine

Ticking, ticking time

My brown wristwatch 

Her eyes, my eyes

Eyes everywhere, staring me down

Dark, cold rooms

Dark, cold thoughts 

A life bleeds away

Memories fade away

Words linger, on a parchment of paper

Death takes yet another 

Always and forever.


When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memories. Leave out all the rest! 

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Beating heart

I put a hand into my chest

Through my ribcage and veins

Catch hold of my beating heart

And pull it out in the gentlest way.

Place it infront of my eyes

And see, see it

For the very first time. 
Dadum, dadum it sounds

Like a bird, scared to move around 

Sitting inside me since I was formed

Alien it feels, not one of my own.

I’ve heard its voice

I’ve felt with it too

All my life, all my life.
Why do you beat with such persistence? 

I ask, to the muscle that is me, so me.

It never responds, always mute

Dadum, dadum it sounds

I place it back where it belongs

Deep inside my chest.

Complete, incomplete, complete.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 


How can I unlearn the truth? 

Trembles all over my bones and flesh

A sinking feeling in my chest

A void that cages me like my ribs

Breathing inside of my hollow breast. 

How can I stand still when I’m falling apart? 

A thousand pieces of me

Hopes, expectations, dreams

Shattered on this cold ground;

Skin tearing at the seams.

How can I smile when I feel dead inside?

Pulse rapid on my wrist and neck

Blood thick clogging my veins

Thoughts crowding an empty mind

Fingers searching for someone to blame.

How can I believe, when I’m dreading the past?

Daunting, unmoving, monstrous 

A shadow clung on to the dark

Fickle, feeble, small

Am I even a part? 


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Tied to you

Sometimes, I miss

My old curtains, my old socks

My old skin, my old thoughts.

Veins and words that tangle in me

They tie me, to us, to you.

Of all the memories that inhabit my mind,

Your pulse against mine

Your fingers in mine

Flow seamless in me.

A thousand eyes, a million smiles

Frozen on purple lips.

While moon kisses the darkness of this night.

I fill this room with my presence,

Four walls contain my thoughts.

Ever eager, to fly free

From life, people, expectations, and me.


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

This is who I am

Hanging onto to a single thread,

I sway I sway

From one side to another.

Weak fingers stretched 

To the limit of their strength.
A single wind blows

And I come crashing down,

All hopes forgotten, shattered within me.

Cries break out from my throat

Tears come streaming down my eyes.

No one seems to be around 

No one is around.
And then, just when I feel I can’t do it anymore 

Can’t take it anymore 

A light blooms deep within me.

Something that is just me

Gathers and collects and strengthens 

Blinding my eyes

Lifting me from the ground, away from the mess

Towards a sun that is cold, cold

But beautiful, magnificent, breathing 
My hands reach towards it

Wanting to touch my light.

Sky on my fingertips;

I rejoice.
I break, break, often I shatter 

But something in me refuses to 

Give up, give in.

I’ll renew each once, shine bright

For this is who I am

This is who I am.


I’ve written this one for a friend. 

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Did I ask for it? 

I’ll cut on paper edges

And bleed, bleed, bleed

Blue ink that flows in my veins

Thoughts that intimate my mind. 

Nails and scratches that run on my skin

Voices sink in my throat

A million stares on my bare legs

A million on my covered chest

They picture me 

My thighs spread, mouth open

Whimpers and moans of names escaping my throat.

Dirty, my untouched skin feels

Under the shower, I scrub and scrub

Wash the awareness of looks

That lingered for seconds more than two.

Knives and scars under my skin

Fingers probing flesh, discovering 

Dreams that make me sigh and lift my hips

Strangers with perfect bodies and tanned skin.

Sun on my hair, knotted twice

Tendrils on my sweaty neck

Exposed to the kisses 

Of strangers that tower in buses

Ghosting lips and whispered words.

Lewd comments that my mind deciphers

A minute too late as I feel 

Threatened in a public place.

Pale skin, my doom

Shine in the sea of brown

Unwanted attention shifts

To my collar bones and skinny arms.

Pink lips, my curse

I bite on them ever so often

Feel the want of men as they look

With a thirst that makes me awkward.

Did I ask for this, I wonder

Waiting for the mirror to answer

Eyes on my eyes on my eyes

A bitter truth, bitter lie.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.