Haiku~ Time

Look at time fly by
Heading towards the setting sun and horizon
Somewhere in this world, dawn shines.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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Unlearn


How can I unlearn the truth?

Trembles all over my bones and flesh

A sinking feeling in my chest

A void that cages me like my ribs

Breathing inside of my hollow breast.

How can I stand still when I’m falling apart?

A thousand pieces of me

Hopes, expectations, dreams

Shattered on this cold ground;

Skin tearing at the seams.

How can I smile when I feel dead inside?

Pulse rapid on my wrist and neck

Blood thick clogging my veins

Thoughts crowding an empty mind

Fingers searching for someone to blame.

How can I believe, when I’m dreading the past?

Daunting, unmoving, monstrous

A shadow clung on to the dark

Fickle, feeble, small

Am I even a part?

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Being alive

Blood that flows red in my veins

Thoughts that loop words in my mind

Feelings that ebb and flow with time

Pain that burns hot in my chest

Air that rushes in out in breaths

Love that fills me with so much strength

Death leaves me scared and helpless

So much happens, all at once

I’m left shocked, surprised

But dear, this is what it feels

To be alive!

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Second skin

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Nostalgia clings to old clothes and photographs. I take them in my arms and feel your presence once again. Memories breathe in me, living inside of my hollow chest, caged.

I slip on a dress that shows my collar bones and neck, pale skin against black. It fits me just right, not loose, not tight. Towards the end, your size had reduced to mine. But you were still a couple of inches shorter. Shows in the way some dresses barely reach my upper thighs. I look nice, feel desirable. But I have no place to wear these clothes to.

Those occasions were stolen with you, you see. My once flexible night outings became rigid. I still have fun, but in alternate ways.

I am wearing your clothes after years it seems. The fabrics feel skin after too long. They’ve rubbed against their own kind, closed in a suitcase for two years now.

I start piling the clothes on my bed, ones I’ll keep and ones I won’t. Trying to match the clothes with my style as well. But that is a bit difficult, you always liked clothes that were fashionable. I like plain colours and no prints.

After six long hours, I’m done. The clothes are arranged neatly in my drawers. They’re excited, finally they’ll be worn. The old ones are sad. They miss their owner. I do too, I tell them.

Now, these clothes will smell of me. I’ll make new memories in them. Maybe, they’ll go to a new place with me in a few months.

Or maybe, they’ll be disappointed with me. I’ll grow in them, not physically, but mentally. I’ll let them be a part of my life.

It feels like I’ve borrowed your skin. One I’m finding hard to shed. One that is growing on my own skin as well.

Maybe, the years ahead will tell.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

 

Silences

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These silences have killed words on my tongue. I gulp down a bloodbath each time I’m left alone.

Yet, I crave these moments of honesty. Away from a crowd that never fails to disappoint.

Why are there so many people? Why do these emotions cut me from within?

Scars and blood that flows within. Memories, stories, I share with these silences.

In my mind, I relive my life. A truth, a lie. Outside, I share this world. But inside, I am alone.

And it is in this state, we all live. Floating in an unending darkness, looking for some meaning, looking for hope.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Lover

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Paint me in all the colours you feel

Each time I’m near you

Breathe the words you dream

On my pale pale skin

Let the world outside melt

We’ll burn enough for the sun

Even if a thousand chains bind us

We’ll learn to live.

~insight07

This poem is inspired by a friend’s experience. I wonder what falling in love feels like. I wonder if such a thing even exists.

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Grey green 

Life is bleeding away from my veins

Ashes moving down my throat

Grey green trees shed their leaves on me

The black clouds accept me as one of their own.

Voices are shrieking, thunder is roaring

I’m beyond reach now

In the warmth of death’s envelope

You won’t get me now.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Worship

You cut me open
Ever so gently
Look at my spine and bones
Tiny, breakable, feeble.
Turning me, you pull me close
My naked frame next to yours
Kiss and lick my sewn skin
So wet, so soft.
Across my stomach and into me
You seek your pleasure, and mine.
Spread my thighs, spread my pink
Unknown fingers probing.
You look and look and look
Till the end of time
And then, you place your mouth
On my open pink
Teeth, tongue, licks and sucks
Fingers thick entering
Again, again, again.
Wet and hungry, you eat me
I quiver, tremble, beg
I feel and feel and feel
Don’t stop, never do
I scream, breathless, voiceless
You growl, lifting me to your mouth
Suck, suck, lick
Bite, kiss, kiss
My fingers find leverage
I pull your hair, so soft.
Your tongue in me
Your fingers in me
I burst a million times
Again and again and again.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Suicide

I think of the blood my heart pumps

Feel its beat thrumming in my wrists.

Pain and loneliness flow in my veins

Venom clogging my thoughts

Love, no love I feel around me

Just a darkness that is closing in

“No!” I scream in this silence

Unheard, I lie broken

To what end do I live my days

For whom do I breathe?

This society, its norms, its rejections?

People who always leave

Or maybe in hopes of a future bleak?

Caged inside me, this pain is digging daggers

Deep into my hollow chest

Bleeding, scarring from within.

No one to talk to

No one to wipe my tears.

What do I do? What do I do?

Panic seizes my throat

Exiting my body in sighs

I search for a piece of cloth

Red scarf I’d purchased last holiday

Cheer and joy still cling to it.

Knot it perfectly, I place my neck in the noose

Let go, let go

Of life and all this darkness.

Finally, someone will hear

My last scream of pain

As life exits my body.

Memories of this 18 years of lifetime

Fill my mind and soul.

Laughs, tears, joys

Wash over me

For a moment, I am four again

With my head on my mother’s lap

Warm with love and contentment.

And my heart beats its last;

Dadum Dadum

Da.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.