Did I ask for it? 

I’ll cut on paper edges

And bleed, bleed, bleed

Blue ink that flows in my veins

Thoughts that intimate my mind. 

Nails and scratches that run on my skin

Voices sink in my throat

A million stares on my bare legs

A million on my covered chest

They picture me 

My thighs spread, mouth open

Whimpers and moans of names escaping my throat.

Dirty, my untouched skin feels

Under the shower, I scrub and scrub

Wash the awareness of looks

That lingered for seconds more than two.

Knives and scars under my skin

Fingers probing flesh, discovering 

Dreams that make me sigh and lift my hips

Strangers with perfect bodies and tanned skin.

Sun on my hair, knotted twice

Tendrils on my sweaty neck

Exposed to the kisses 

Of strangers that tower in buses

Ghosting lips and whispered words.

Lewd comments that my mind deciphers

A minute too late as I feel 

Threatened in a public place.

Pale skin, my doom

Shine in the sea of brown

Unwanted attention shifts

To my collar bones and skinny arms.

Pink lips, my curse

I bite on them ever so often

Feel the want of men as they look

With a thirst that makes me awkward.

Did I ask for this, I wonder

Waiting for the mirror to answer

Eyes on my eyes on my eyes

A bitter truth, bitter lie.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Touch of words

Words ignite a passion in me

Flames that rise in my blood 

Licking my neck, biting my lips

Kissing me senseless, bruising me.

Light falls on my skin

Pale, pale, pink

Eyes look at cream walls

Unlooking at reality for a bit.

I’m lost in my mind

Senses awakened as words whisper,

Touches and looks and fingers

Linger just beneath my skin;

Ghosting across my limbs.

False, false these sensations are

Yet, I drown in their pleasure.

For my lovers are my words;

Touch of a thousand strangers.


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Cigarette, love and sex

Throaty voices singing words and feelings 

Alien to my barren cold soul.

Midnight time running, running

Exhausting on sleep of double billion people 

And animals less saner, wilder.

A lighter burns blue on fluid

Reminding me of warmth of a fire

That burned three winters ago.

What happens to feelings?

How can they take steps away from

People and places and memories 

Into a cold far away space.

Cigarettes exhale smoke,

Ashes on skin kissed and bruised.

Guitars strumming down the street

As windows open and breathe.

Sex in the air, void in eyes

That look, pale and light

Away from walls of fate and faith

Into the dark ceiling, hoping it would share its secrets 

With those bored beings

Of life and existence.


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.


Fear sits, beating in my heart

To the rhythm of my broken breaths.

Pain fills these lungs of mine

As I drag smoke from death.

Thoughts clog my empty mind

Pushing, pulling, suffocating.

Fingers trace limbs and junctures 

Of a body that doesn’t feel mine.

Cold knives cuts on my skin

I bleed a blood no one sees.

Yes, each morning sun touches my skin

But at night, it is the kiss of darkness


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Day after day, I spend 

Hours in the confines of

Four walls, this room, this mind.

Real feels like a world 
Far-spaced and removed from mine.

People and places and memories 

Feel borrowed from else’s story.

Now, all that I know is

The touch of my fingers 

The look in my eyes

The curve of my cheek

My half-broken empty sighs.


Through the medium of these photos, I’m trying to portray that each feature of our face has a different story to tell. 

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Blue windows

Cold blue windows

Shine, in this gloomy night

Alone, in this world of dark times.

Roads criss cross in their chaos

Leading to there, there and there.

Shadows murk in every corner

Sniggering, whispering with winds

Talking of doom, death, end.

A lone streetlight burns

Spilling gold at a distance,

A stranger, a dark silhouette

Walks down this empty road.

Figure of hopelessness, defeat, pain

His feet drag on the cold cold ground,

Making no noise in their wake.

Curtains part, blue open windows

Invite wind and despair of the heart.

Tired eyes look above

Towards a heaven that is always within reach,

But somehow, miles apart.

There are no stars, no moon, no clouds in the sky

Just the ink blue of pain,

As it bleeds for us each night.


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Image source~ unknown


I think of the blood my heart pumps

Feel its beat thrumming in my wrists.

Pain and loneliness flow in my veins

Venom clogging my thoughts 

Love, no love I feel around me

Just a darkness that is closing in

“No!” I scream in this silence 

Unheard, I lie broken

To what end do I live my days

For whom do I breathe?

This society, its norms, its rejections?

People who always leave

Or maybe in hopes of a future bleak?

Caged inside me, this pain is digging daggers 

Deep into my hollow chest

Bleeding, scarring from within. 

No one to talk to

No one to wipe my tears.

What do I do? What do I do?

Panic seizes my throat 

Exiting my body in sighs

I search for a piece of cloth

Red scarf I’d purchased last holiday 

Cheer and joy still cling to it.

Knot it perfectly, I place my neck in the noose

Let go, let go

Of life and all this darkness. 

Finally, someone will hear 

My last scream of pain

As life exits my body.

Memories of this 18 years of lifetime

Fill my mind and soul.

Laughs, tears, joys

Wash over me

For a moment, I am four again

With my head on my mother’s lap

Warm with love and contentment.

And my heart beats its last;

Dadum Dadum 



Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 

Burning pyre

Shadows of lost souls
Falls on the burning pyre
Which pollutes the sky
That was once blue.

The anger and hurt
Grief and pain
Burn, like the lifeless body
Of my sister.

Marks of death and love
Will now scar her body forever
Her skin, a grey pallor
Her nails, still the same.

Tears and cries escape our throat
We hold onto each other for dear life
Love, in its purest form fills me
As I feel my fear realised.


It has been a year
Yet it seems like yesterday
When I last saw you laugh, saw you cry
Because the next day itself, you took away your life.

The pain is still fresh
It burns in my chest
I carry the marks of that red scarf
On my neck as well.

A part of me died with you
Jumped in your burning pyre
Now, I just reflect
On what really matters

Concepts of forever love
Scare and haunt me
Books and movies say something
But the ugly truth is our reality.

Everyday we burn
Extinguishing our love
Until we are nothing, but ashes
That scatter around like the dust.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Last Day

White sun shines pale in the grey sky

Black clouds gather in mourning 

Steel water reflects on the sadness

Winds rush, whispering.

Dead leaves fall on the ground,

Shades of forgotten sunsets. 

People stand still, transfixed

Lost in their lament.

Screams echo in this deadly silence

Unheard, reverberating in these four walls.
Enclosed, thoughts sit caged in a mind

Waiting to leave behind scars.

Birds fly high, crying in pain

Blood flows in rivulets.

Death fills this ever present void 

With its magnificent presence.

In fear, people move towards each other

Breaths escaping in sighs.

Hearts beating, blood rushing.

They give in to their doom, the very end of life.


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Wanton wishes


Wrapped in strong arms
Of nameless, faceless strangers
I feel the need rise
To lose myself to pleasure

Fingers roam my body
Swirls, circles, twirls
Sensations crawl from all sides
Making my toes curl

Breathing heavy and deep
I feel it inside
The beginning of the fall
Ever so slowly, rise

A kiss that makes me forget
Someone gives it to me, again and again
The smell of sweat and and something else
Makes me insane

Touch and taste of smooth tan skin
Sings on my very senses
Dip of fingers on every curve
Routing maps as my muscle tenses

Licks of tongues I feel
On my chest, my belly, back of the knees
Pleasure mounting slowly now
But still it goes on, the endless tease

Senses awakened, I’m on the edge
Ready to take that final leap.
Suddenly, I wake up,
From my deep sleep.

Sweaty and aroused,
I look around.
Realising it was just me,
Touching my mound.

Irritated and tensed
I fall asleep again
Dreaming my wanton wishes
Hoping this time I’ll come, without fail.


Image source ~ http://www.afremov.com

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.