Blue windows

Cold blue windows

Shine, in this gloomy night

Alone, in this world of dark times.

Roads criss cross in their chaos

Leading to there, there and there.

Shadows murk in every corner

Sniggering, whispering with winds

Talking of doom, death, end.

A lone streetlight burns

Spilling gold at a distance,

A stranger, a dark silhouette

Walks down this empty road.

Figure of hopelessness, defeat, pain

His feet drag on the cold cold ground,

Making no noise in their wake.

Curtains part, blue open windows

Invite wind and despair of the heart.

Tired eyes look above

Towards a heaven that is always within reach,

But somehow, miles apart.

There are no stars, no moon, no clouds in the sky

Just the ink blue of pain,

As it bleeds for us each night.


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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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It is so easy to get lost
In a crowd of known, unknown faces
Strange touches on my skin
Eyes on me, inside out
New places, old feelings
Of detachment, darkness, lingering sunshine
Bright blue sky that hovers right above us
Everywhere, everywhere
Brown eyes, brown hair, fair skin
A little madness, a little anxiousness
I get from this side of my family
Stories, people and warmth
A little spice, a little bitterness
Same old faces, same old complains
Of 20-25-50 years
I wonder, ten thousand miles away
A couple of centuries later
Who will remember us?
Who will remember these moments of right now?
Who will remember these stories, these people
These crinkles in the eyes and bright smiles
Sour words and ugly truths
That have made me, me.
Who will remember me?
There are no answers
Just a growing understanding
Of what it feels, to be human
To live in a time where time is everywhere
Yet with no one, no one at all.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Beating heart

I put a hand into my chest

Through my ribcage and veins

Catch hold of my beating heart

And pull it out in the gentlest way.

Place it infront of my eyes

And see, see it

For the very first time.
Dadum, dadum it sounds

Like a bird, scared to move around

Sitting inside me since I was formed

Alien it feels, not one of my own.

I’ve heard its voice

I’ve felt with it too

All my life, all my life.
Why do you beat with such persistence?

I ask, to the muscle that is me, so me.

It never responds, always mute

Dadum, dadum it sounds

I place it back where it belongs

Deep inside my chest.

Complete, incomplete, complete.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Carpe Diem 

We begin each day, knowing for certain some things will happen

But that certainty is also uncertain

We sleep, assuming we’ll get up again

We go out, assuming we’ll be back home again

We end conversations, taking for granted that we will have another soon

We click pictures, delete moments captured otherwise, because they weren’t good enough

We go through the motions, thinking

Tomorrow we’ll do it correct, tomorrow we’ll change

But what if you never live to see that tomorrow

And you get reduced to a memory of regret and missed chances

We are all drowning in the sea of uncertainty

All that you have

Is this moment, right now

Don’t let it waste

Seize the day, my friend

Let each breath count

Let each day be better than the last

Let yourself burn with passion

And leave the traces of burden behind

Unshackle yourself from memories of the past

Free yourself from expectation and worry

Live this day like your first

Live it like your last

Carpe Diem, my friend

Carpe Diem!


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 



This thirst in me
For your touch
You kiss me
My cheeks, my eyes
I put my fingers in your hair
Ever so slowly, direct you to my lips
And we kiss, for the very first time
Soft lips meet, your top to my bottom
My top to your bottom
Again, again
Tongues seek each other
Teeth clash as I taste
You, passion, me
Briefly I open my eyes
To see you staring into me
In a way no one has
Closing them again,
I pull you closer still
Until I am on your lap
My thighs around your lean hips
Your hands on my backside
We start moving to a rhythm
Our rhythm
Kisses are not smooth anymore
But a bit sloppy, messy
And I’m loving it
Every minute
Every second
Of this dream.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Do you?


Do you know, how painful it is
To be cut a thousand times
And sewn together a thousand times
Only to be cut again
By the same knife?
Do you know what it feels
To not bleed from scars
But to kiss them
Alone, in the dark?
Do you know how difficult it is
To not blame everything on myself
And hate myself so much
So much, I think I almost deserve the pain?
Do you know the taste of defeat
That comes from losing to
Your mind and dreams,
The horrors that stay within?
Do you know about those voices
That won’t stop whispering
Your deepest fears to you
In broad daylight and dusk?
Do you know what it is like
To live in my mind
With all this love and memories;
Caged, screaming, begging to be free?
Do you feel this void
Breathing in your chest
Expanding to your limbs and hair tips and toes
Fingers, words, poems and woes?


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Broken wings

Colder than the grey winds

That blow from blue seas,

This winter settles on us

Young shoulders bending, almost breaking. 

Struggling under the weight of

Expectations, dejection, hope

We try to catch our piece of eternal sky

In between nimble fingers. 

Sun peers at us from across the horizon 

Setting, to rise on the darker side.

In panic, you look across seas

Tired limbs begging to touch the settling night.

All that I can say is,

Sweet dear child of mine

Broken wings too can fly!


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 




Why is there a beating heart
In my caging broken chest?
Why do I feel so much
So much that it aches?
I pin my hopeless expectations
To a sinking reality;
One I chase in my fantasies.
Because, no matter how strong I am,
For the first time in my life
I just wanted to be held with love
And acceptance in arms
That’ll never be mine.

Inspired by a friend’s plight.

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.



You cut me open
Ever so gently
Look at my spine and bones
Tiny, breakable, feeble.
Turning me, you pull me close
My naked frame next to yours
Kiss and lick my sewn skin
So wet, so soft.
Across my stomach and into me
You seek your pleasure, and mine.
Spread my thighs, spread my pink
Unknown fingers probing.
You look and look and look
Till the end of time
And then, you place your mouth
On my open pink
Teeth, tongue, licks and sucks
Fingers thick entering
Again, again, again.
Wet and hungry, you eat me
I quiver, tremble, beg
I feel and feel and feel
Don’t stop, never do
I scream, breathless, voiceless
You growl, lifting me to your mouth
Suck, suck, lick
Bite, kiss, kiss
My fingers find leverage
I pull your hair, so soft.
Your tongue in me
Your fingers in me
I burst a million times
Again and again and again.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.