Always and forever


Veins that tangle in my throat
Rope that strangles my throat
Seconds, minutes tick away

Breathing, screaming, screaming 

Cutting myself short of

Life and hope and love

Giving in to this loneliness 

Giving in to my mind

The dark corner that was a corner

Is my world now, suffocating my being

Memories, so many memories 

Play infront of my eyes

When I was a kid

Of my kids

That first kiss

Pale sunshine

Ticking, ticking time

My brown wristwatch 

Her eyes, my eyes

Eyes everywhere, staring me down

Dark, cold rooms

Dark, cold thoughts 

A life bleeds away

Memories fade away

Words linger, on a parchment of paper

Death takes yet another 

Always and forever.

~insight07

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memories. Leave out all the rest! 

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Beating heart


I put a hand into my chest

Through my ribcage and veins

Catch hold of my beating heart

And pull it out in the gentlest way.

Place it infront of my eyes

And see, see it

For the very first time. 
Dadum, dadum it sounds

Like a bird, scared to move around 

Sitting inside me since I was formed

Alien it feels, not one of my own.

I’ve heard its voice

I’ve felt with it too

All my life, all my life.
Why do you beat with such persistence? 

I ask, to the muscle that is me, so me.

It never responds, always mute

Dadum, dadum it sounds

I place it back where it belongs

Deep inside my chest.

Complete, incomplete, complete.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 

Unlearn


How can I unlearn the truth? 

Trembles all over my bones and flesh

A sinking feeling in my chest

A void that cages me like my ribs

Breathing inside of my hollow breast. 

How can I stand still when I’m falling apart? 

A thousand pieces of me

Hopes, expectations, dreams

Shattered on this cold ground;

Skin tearing at the seams.

How can I smile when I feel dead inside?

Pulse rapid on my wrist and neck

Blood thick clogging my veins

Thoughts crowding an empty mind

Fingers searching for someone to blame.

How can I believe, when I’m dreading the past?

Daunting, unmoving, monstrous 

A shadow clung on to the dark

Fickle, feeble, small

Am I even a part? 

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Cold


I’ve seen much in a little time,

Burnt down to ashes.

Tied my tongue in knots

Killed words and tears on my lashes.

Felt knives and teeth on my flesh

Gnawing, bleeding, bleeding.

Pain sear me from within 

Tearing me apart, scarring.

A smile sits frozen on my lips

Cold, cold, so cold.

In this absolute darkness

There is no light, no hope. 

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Tied to you

Sometimes, I miss

My old curtains, my old socks

My old skin, my old thoughts.

Veins and words that tangle in me

They tie me, to us, to you.

Of all the memories that inhabit my mind,

Your pulse against mine

Your fingers in mine

Flow seamless in me.

A thousand eyes, a million smiles

Frozen on purple lips.

While moon kisses the darkness of this night.

I fill this room with my presence,

Four walls contain my thoughts.

Ever eager, to fly free

From life, people, expectations, and me.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

This is who I am


Hanging onto to a single thread,

I sway I sway

From one side to another.

Weak fingers stretched 

To the limit of their strength.
A single wind blows

And I come crashing down,

All hopes forgotten, shattered within me.

Cries break out from my throat

Tears come streaming down my eyes.

No one seems to be around 

No one is around.
And then, just when I feel I can’t do it anymore 

Can’t take it anymore 

A light blooms deep within me.

Something that is just me

Gathers and collects and strengthens 

Blinding my eyes

Lifting me from the ground, away from the mess

Towards a sun that is cold, cold

But beautiful, magnificent, breathing 
My hands reach towards it

Wanting to touch my light.

Sky on my fingertips;

I rejoice.
I break, break, often I shatter 

But something in me refuses to 

Give up, give in.

I’ll renew each once, shine bright

For this is who I am

This is who I am.

~insight07

I’ve written this one for a friend. 

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Dear diary


Dear diary,

I’m scared, of each second, each day. I’m in fear of new faces and old, the feelings they arouse in me. I feel like an intruder in my skin. The breaths I take should be silent, my movements, unnoticeable. No trace of me should be there, not in being, not in memories. I find myself distributing pieces of me to make myself believe, I too exist.

Someday I fear, I’ll vanish from this space and no one will remember me. For I am that way, forgettable, ignorable. I feel I should stick to the wall and become a part of it or maybe if I’m silent enough, people will forget all about me. 

Yet it never happens.

I’ve known bad all my life. I wish all were equally bad, so that I could blame them for being the way I am.

But it is all me, only me to blame. I carry the brunt of it everyday.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Did I ask for it? 

I’ll cut on paper edges

And bleed, bleed, bleed

Blue ink that flows in my veins

Thoughts that intimate my mind. 

Nails and scratches that run on my skin

Voices sink in my throat

A million stares on my bare legs

A million on my covered chest

They picture me 

My thighs spread, mouth open

Whimpers and moans of names escaping my throat.

Dirty, my untouched skin feels

Under the shower, I scrub and scrub

Wash the awareness of looks

That lingered for seconds more than two.

Knives and scars under my skin

Fingers probing flesh, discovering 

Dreams that make me sigh and lift my hips

Strangers with perfect bodies and tanned skin.

Sun on my hair, knotted twice

Tendrils on my sweaty neck

Exposed to the kisses 

Of strangers that tower in buses

Ghosting lips and whispered words.

Lewd comments that my mind deciphers

A minute too late as I feel 

Threatened in a public place.

Pale skin, my doom

Shine in the sea of brown

Unwanted attention shifts

To my collar bones and skinny arms.

Pink lips, my curse

I bite on them ever so often

Feel the want of men as they look

With a thirst that makes me awkward.

Did I ask for this, I wonder

Waiting for the mirror to answer

Eyes on my eyes on my eyes

A bitter truth, bitter lie.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Touch of words

Words ignite a passion in me

Flames that rise in my blood 

Licking my neck, biting my lips

Kissing me senseless, bruising me.

Light falls on my skin

Pale, pale, pink

Eyes look at cream walls

Unlooking at reality for a bit.

I’m lost in my mind

Senses awakened as words whisper,

Touches and looks and fingers

Linger just beneath my skin;

Ghosting across my limbs.

False, false these sensations are

Yet, I drown in their pleasure.

For my lovers are my words;

Touch of a thousand strangers.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Cigarette, love and sex


Throaty voices singing words and feelings 

Alien to my barren cold soul.

Midnight time running, running

Exhausting on sleep of double billion people 

And animals less saner, wilder.

A lighter burns blue on fluid

Reminding me of warmth of a fire

That burned three winters ago.

What happens to feelings?

How can they take steps away from

People and places and memories 

Into a cold far away space.

Cigarettes exhale smoke,

Ashes on skin kissed and bruised.

Guitars strumming down the street

As windows open and breathe.

Sex in the air, void in eyes

That look, pale and light

Away from walls of fate and faith

Into the dark ceiling, hoping it would share its secrets 

With those bored beings

Of life and existence.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.