Always and forever


Veins that tangle in my throat
Rope that strangles my throat
Seconds, minutes tick away

Breathing, screaming, screaming 

Cutting myself short of

Life and hope and love

Giving in to this loneliness 

Giving in to my mind

The dark corner that was a corner

Is my world now, suffocating my being

Memories, so many memories 

Play infront of my eyes

When I was a kid

Of my kids

That first kiss

Pale sunshine

Ticking, ticking time

My brown wristwatch 

Her eyes, my eyes

Eyes everywhere, staring me down

Dark, cold rooms

Dark, cold thoughts 

A life bleeds away

Memories fade away

Words linger, on a parchment of paper

Death takes yet another 

Always and forever.

~insight07

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memories. Leave out all the rest! 

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Beating heart


I put a hand into my chest

Through my ribcage and veins

Catch hold of my beating heart

And pull it out in the gentlest way.

Place it infront of my eyes

And see, see it

For the very first time. 
Dadum, dadum it sounds

Like a bird, scared to move around 

Sitting inside me since I was formed

Alien it feels, not one of my own.

I’ve heard its voice

I’ve felt with it too

All my life, all my life.
Why do you beat with such persistence? 

I ask, to the muscle that is me, so me.

It never responds, always mute

Dadum, dadum it sounds

I place it back where it belongs

Deep inside my chest.

Complete, incomplete, complete.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 

Cold


I’ve seen much in a little time,

Burnt down to ashes.

Tied my tongue in knots

Killed words and tears on my lashes.

Felt knives and teeth on my flesh

Gnawing, bleeding, bleeding.

Pain sear me from within 

Tearing me apart, scarring.

A smile sits frozen on my lips

Cold, cold, so cold.

In this absolute darkness

There is no light, no hope. 

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Tied to you

Sometimes, I miss

My old curtains, my old socks

My old skin, my old thoughts.

Veins and words that tangle in me

They tie me, to us, to you.

Of all the memories that inhabit my mind,

Your pulse against mine

Your fingers in mine

Flow seamless in me.

A thousand eyes, a million smiles

Frozen on purple lips.

While moon kisses the darkness of this night.

I fill this room with my presence,

Four walls contain my thoughts.

Ever eager, to fly free

From life, people, expectations, and me.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Dear diary


Dear diary,

I’m scared, of each second, each day. I’m in fear of new faces and old, the feelings they arouse in me. I feel like an intruder in my skin. The breaths I take should be silent, my movements, unnoticeable. No trace of me should be there, not in being, not in memories. I find myself distributing pieces of me to make myself believe, I too exist.

Someday I fear, I’ll vanish from this space and no one will remember me. For I am that way, forgettable, ignorable. I feel I should stick to the wall and become a part of it or maybe if I’m silent enough, people will forget all about me. 

Yet it never happens.

I’ve known bad all my life. I wish all were equally bad, so that I could blame them for being the way I am.

But it is all me, only me to blame. I carry the brunt of it everyday.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Touch of words

Words ignite a passion in me

Flames that rise in my blood 

Licking my neck, biting my lips

Kissing me senseless, bruising me.

Light falls on my skin

Pale, pale, pink

Eyes look at cream walls

Unlooking at reality for a bit.

I’m lost in my mind

Senses awakened as words whisper,

Touches and looks and fingers

Linger just beneath my skin;

Ghosting across my limbs.

False, false these sensations are

Yet, I drown in their pleasure.

For my lovers are my words;

Touch of a thousand strangers.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

Cigarette, love and sex


Throaty voices singing words and feelings 

Alien to my barren cold soul.

Midnight time running, running

Exhausting on sleep of double billion people 

And animals less saner, wilder.

A lighter burns blue on fluid

Reminding me of warmth of a fire

That burned three winters ago.

What happens to feelings?

How can they take steps away from

People and places and memories 

Into a cold far away space.

Cigarettes exhale smoke,

Ashes on skin kissed and bruised.

Guitars strumming down the street

As windows open and breathe.

Sex in the air, void in eyes

That look, pale and light

Away from walls of fate and faith

Into the dark ceiling, hoping it would share its secrets 

With those bored beings

Of life and existence.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

My


Day after day, I spend 

Hours in the confines of

Four walls, this room, this mind.

Real feels like a world 
Far-spaced and removed from mine.

People and places and memories 

Feel borrowed from else’s story.

Now, all that I know is

The touch of my fingers 

The look in my eyes

The curve of my cheek

My half-broken empty sighs.

~insight07

Through the medium of these photos, I’m trying to portray that each feature of our face has a different story to tell. 

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

Last Day


White sun shines pale in the grey sky

Black clouds gather in mourning 

Steel water reflects on the sadness

Winds rush, whispering.

Dead leaves fall on the ground,

Shades of forgotten sunsets. 

People stand still, transfixed

Lost in their lament.

Screams echo in this deadly silence

Unheard, reverberating in these four walls.
Enclosed, thoughts sit caged in a mind

Waiting to leave behind scars.

Birds fly high, crying in pain

Blood flows in rivulets.

Death fills this ever present void 

With its magnificent presence.

In fear, people move towards each other

Breaths escaping in sighs.

Hearts beating, blood rushing.

They give in to their doom, the very end of life.

~insight07

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Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved

All in my mind


How can I believe in love,

When the only thing I’ve felt deeply

Is a crippling loneliness that settles within my being.

In the empty hours, I curse my existence.

Feel the life in my white bones and red blood,

Skin that changes colour in sunlight and dark.

Closing walls and ticking clocks, a world that is spinning out of control.

Dreams where strangers make me feel

Pleasure, ecstasy, anxiety, pain.

How can I do this to myself?

Hours don’t guide me anymore, arms of the clock rushing into each other’s embrace.

Each night when I get up gasping, I clutch onto pillows

Lifeless and warm with my body heat, hug them to my trembling heart

Pale fingers, no paler than the moon that hides behind dark clouds.

Sweat and conversations seep into me,

Words entering my blood flow, my veins.

Faces that seem known, unknown 

Haunt me throughout the day.

I’ve learnt each curve of my body,

Seen my face in a thousand mirrors.

The void in my eyes never wears off

Just becomes darker like the settling night.

This deafening silence resonates within me

Until screams and sighs become one in my throat;

A bloodbath of murdered love and unspoken words.

I’ll keep my voices to me, talk to them in my head

Because it’s all in my mind

All in my mind.

~insight07

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.