Lived experiences

There’s a long history to today, just like each day. It is your casual backdrop of the Pandemic and staying indoors for too long, when even the apparent world has moved on. There is a rush of cars and trains and tectonic planes- no one wants to miss out on this fun.

I never thought a day like this would come, but night time comforts me. The fact that half a portion of this planet is away from the sun. Each time I leave the house, I wonder how people are moving about. I can’t help but stare at the sun- it feels like an eye staring straight into me.

From the fishbowl that I live in, only a tiny portion of the purple sky is seen. There are buildings and tress that block my view. I wonder how I look like to the outsiders who keep staring- a fish? (I feel like one), or a person wearing a mask inside their own safe walls.

This pandemic is global, universal, yet so personal. It has entered every crevice of my life, my mind. The mask feels like second skin on my face. The stench of sanitiser, more comfortable than the perfume I used to wear daily a few months back.

I have tried making multiple friends, but they don’t reply back now. Maybe with the uncertainty of my shift to a new city, my plant friends are angry. I dream that I am uprooting with my claws out.

Each time I leave home, I find myself getting lost in the vibrations of light in the city life. I feel new again. Places that I have known like the back of my hand haunt me with their newness. Looks like I am not the only one unchanged.
With each step I discover a corner unknown. People have changed so much too.

To me, people mean a blue screen that I stare into for most of the waking hours. This device seems to have more life than me- buzzing with the constant flow of messages and emails, app notifications too.
All of my office sits in this blue screen. WFH has been my best friend too.

During the past 11 months, I have experienced the throttle of situations I never thought I would have faced- even beyond the Pandemic. My family decided to parallel this world wide drama with theatrics of its own (sometimes I mess up my lines).

I have no life of my own. The only solace that has been is a discovery of a nation that has always existed. Even that feels surreal now.

I am ready for the next big part of life- I am waiting for the other worldly creatures to come by me.

Sometimes I wonder- what if they are intagible, capable of entering our minds and controlling thoughts? We are in a simulation that has no good end. Just one that is coated in love.


Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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