I think of the blood my heart pumps
Feel its beat thrumming in my wrists.
Pain and loneliness flow in my veins
Venom clogging my thoughts
Love, no love I feel around me
Just a darkness that is closing in
“No!” I scream in this silence
Unheard, I lie broken
To what end do I live my days
For whom do I breathe?
This society, its norms, its rejections?
People who always leave
Or maybe in hopes of a future bleak?
Caged inside me, this pain is digging daggers
Deep into my hollow chest
Bleeding, scarring from within.
No one to talk to
No one to wipe my tears.
What do I do? What do I do?
Panic seizes my throat
Exiting my body in sighs
I search for a piece of cloth
Red scarf I’d purchased last holiday
Cheer and joy still cling to it.
Knot it perfectly, I place my neck in the noose
Let go, let go
Of life and all this darkness.
Finally, someone will hear
My last scream of pain
As life exits my body.
Memories of this 18 years of lifetime
Fill my mind and soul.
Laughs, tears, joys
Wash over me
For a moment, I am four again
With my head on my mother’s lap
Warm with love and contentment.
And my heart beats its last;
Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.