I think of the blood my heart pumps

Feel its beat thrumming in my wrists.

Pain and loneliness flow in my veins

Venom clogging my thoughts 

Love, no love I feel around me

Just a darkness that is closing in

“No!” I scream in this silence 

Unheard, I lie broken

To what end do I live my days

For whom do I breathe?

This society, its norms, its rejections?

People who always leave

Or maybe in hopes of a future bleak?

Caged inside me, this pain is digging daggers 

Deep into my hollow chest

Bleeding, scarring from within. 

No one to talk to

No one to wipe my tears.

What do I do? What do I do?

Panic seizes my throat 

Exiting my body in sighs

I search for a piece of cloth

Red scarf I’d purchased last holiday 

Cheer and joy still cling to it.

Knot it perfectly, I place my neck in the noose

Let go, let go

Of life and all this darkness. 

Finally, someone will hear 

My last scream of pain

As life exits my body.

Memories of this 18 years of lifetime

Fill my mind and soul.

Laughs, tears, joys

Wash over me

For a moment, I am four again

With my head on my mother’s lap

Warm with love and contentment.

And my heart beats its last;

Dadum Dadum 



Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved. 


7 thoughts on “Suicide

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